Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
