At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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