with your own penis?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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