so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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