It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
