she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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