we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
