So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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