I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
