so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cut my penus on the lid.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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