My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
