There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
third nipple confirmed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
