so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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