i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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