Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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