wrigley field is MILF paradise
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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