i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Less talking, more tequila
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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