Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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