did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
