That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
