I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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