is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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