she was so not down for the gang bang
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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