it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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