I wannas sexs uuuuu
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
