anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
