I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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