you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
