I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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