Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
