So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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