You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I currently don't understand fingers.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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