hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
