A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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