I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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