Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
