Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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