new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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