Can i not drive my cunt home
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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