he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
