I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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