Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
