cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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