I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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