The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
