2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
