We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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