i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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