in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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