I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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