textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can text with my tongue
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
