I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
