quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
