only if we run a train.
done.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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