I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
