they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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