I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
