I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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