She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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