omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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