i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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