I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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