I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
