i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
