So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
birth control should be required to get into college
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
