It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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