Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
