you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
