my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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