i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
