..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
