I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize