Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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