the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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