super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
