meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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